Three weeks ago I wound up withdrawing from my biology classes. I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t have the gumption in me to finish, but really, after failing 2 out of 5 exams, there was little hope left.  It’s better to stop while you’re ahead, right? With the biology out of the way, I’m left still trudging through my creative writing, yoga, and psychology classes. There’s only a month left until the end of this semester, but even that feels much too far away at times. Sigh.

Wedding plans are going well, the invitations arrived in the mail last Thursday so the next item on the agenda would be sending those puppies out.  It’s still mind-boggling to believe that my days as a single woman are coming to close soon. Sheesh. And I thought that season couldn’t end soon enough.

Among other exciting news of the week, I woke up this morning to discover I am out of contacts. Good thing I look cute in glasses, right? Oh well. Anyways, happy Monday, all. Over and out for now.

*Taking 5 classes (Biology, Biology Lab, Creative Writing, Psychology, Yoga, and Pilates)

*Planning a wedding

*Working 24 hours a week between my two jobs

*Preparing for baby’s arrival in April

I had a friend ask me last weekend, “How do you do it all? You seem so calm about everything.”  Well, I might seem serene but I certainly don’t feel like it. I’m nothing more than a disaster waiting to happen.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t focus on anything longer than 15 seconds to save my life, and my motivation to succeed in classes or in anything is virtually nowhere to be found.  I don’t want to have to give effort for a reward; I just want to be finished.  This mindset and these premonitions aren’t anything like me… I look in the mirror and I don’t know who I am.

All I know is that I am slipping faster downhill, and I don’t think anyone realizes it just yet.

Something has GOT to give if I’m gonna make it much further in this game.

*I hate it when people have something go wrong and they use the term “party foul”. I don’t know why, but whenever I hear this I feel like decking the person who said it.

*The words “shizzles” or “skizzles” or anything of that variety. Everyone KNOWS from what word those new terms originated from, and they  just remind me of over-sugary soda pop that’s gone flat.

*It drives me nuts when others say “bomb diggity”, due to its over-usage and cliché-ness. Why can’t ANYONE be creative in their descriptions or pick up a thesaurus for crying out loud?!

*When people use the adjective “hella” to describe something, as it was “hella annoying”- it just sounds like bad grammar or something. Also, “hella” is not even an actual word to begin with.

*Also the term “heart” completely annoys me, as in “I heart such-and-such. Since WHEN did a noun suddenly turn into a verb? What’s wrong with love? That’s all you need, according to the Beatles, and if that’s wrong, I don’t think I want to be right.

Yes, it is true that right now, I do have a lot on my plate. I’m trying to plan a wedding, prepare for the addition of a new family member next spring, and on top of that I am also attending school full time while holding down two part time jobs. Life is crazy for me right now, but I don’t know if I would necessarily call it “busy”.

I still have time for Facebook, and coffee with friends, and movie nights with my family. People call or text me and there’s very little time in between receiving the message and when I reply to them. I’m still managing to get 8 or more hours of sleep per night. So really, I don’t think I’m that busy. Or am I busy with things that don’t need to occupy my time in the first place?

Everyone is given the same amount of time in a day. How it is used determines what a person considers to be top priority. What are you filling your time with? When it comes down it, a lot of people aren’t as busy as they think.

1) At the moment I am rather preoccupied with the task of planning a wedding. MINE, to be exact. Yeah, I know, crazy, right?!?!? I totally wasn’t expecting it, to happen, but a little less than a month ago a very special someone dropped down on one knee in the middle of a hiking excursion and asked if I would marry him. And with a ring like THIS… how could I say no?!

Yeah. I am one lucky ducky.

2) In addition to this whole tying the knot thang, I’m also working part time as a barista and a PCA, and going to school full time. Yeah. Hello stress. Nice to see you again. Just don’t stay too long, okay?

3) And lastly, in the midst of work, weddings,and school, I am also preparing to embark on the journey of parenthood, as of next April.  Navigating these uncharted waters is terrifying and exciting and mind-blowing all at the same time, but I am definitely anticipating all the good things to come.

Alaska is settling in for another cold, dark winter, and I am settling into my own new season, right along with it.

Another thing that’s kind of weird about Facebook is the obscene amount of information anyone can actually KNOW about someone, without actually KNOWING them at all.  For instance, I could tell you that a very old friend from junior high is in the process of writing her second novel, but not because I personally talked to her.  I just am aware of that fact because of Facebook.  I also know that one of my mother’s friends went camping for her 25th wedding anniversary but the ironic part of that is I’ve never spoken to the woman.  At all. I just looked her up and moseyed over to her completely accessible wall, full of details from her life. Kind of creepy, right?

Although Facebook does have its advantages, it also contains a fair amount of fallbacks.  The motto on the front login page claims to “help connect and share with the people in your life”  but really, how true is that statement?  Facebook almost makes getting to know someone ridiculously simple, to the point where there is no effort required to learn the intimate details about a person.  The more “connected” people become these days, the more disconnected we become in the process as well. We can absorb every fact posted on Facebook about the person sitting next to us, but it’s no substitute for shutting off the computer and having a real face to face conversation where instant messaging isn’t involved.  It’s good food for thought, no?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some friends list updating to do.

2. I have absolutely no idea WHY my textbook for my human sexuality psychology class has to include graphic, R rated images in it.  I mean, REALLY?  Yeah, I’m not 5 years old or anything but there are certain things I would just prefer not to have to see at all.

3. I turn 20 in 8 days.  That. is. SO. WEIRD.

4. I have decided that in my next culinary arts experiment, I am going to attempt to make Hungarian Mushroom Soup.  It just sounds irresistibly perfect.

5. I wish my iPhone bill were about $35 dollars less than it was.  It wouldn’t be so agonizing to have to pay if that were the case.

6.  Although I do love my chacos, I have a feeling that I’m going to have to find a better pair of shoes for the fall. Arch support is proving to be necessity for me.

That’s all for now. Happy Monday, all.

“Ann….Ale…uh……”

“Xan”, I finished for her, extending my hand towards her husband’s extended one. I didn’t think much of her forgetting my name, because it’s something I’ve grown accustomed to with having a rather unique name. We talked a little more about a moose Mindy and her husband had recently seen around the neighborhood, and then our groups parted ways.  I didn’t think much about the encounter later on until this morning when I noticed a new Facebook message from Mindy. (we had been friends on Facebook for quite a while at this point)

She was apologizing… for forgetting my name.  Because we rarely interact with one another outside the realm of Facebook, it was hard for her to recall my name in a face-to-face scenario. I was absolutely floored.  I’m completely used to individuals spacing on my name, but to actually go out of their way and apologize for it? Well, that’s an entirely new and probably rare experience.  One I’m very lucky to have, I might add. It makes me wish common courtesies like this were more heard of in this day and age. But then again, we probably wouldn’t feel as special when they did happen, would we?

Now that I am becoming more immersed in this project day by day, I am discovering all kinds of other good reasons why photographers should attempt a 365 project.  Granted, this isn’t a small undertaking.  I’m warning you, project 365 is consuming.  When I’m not shooting or editing or uploading my work for the day, I’m wracking my brains to think of something to shoot.  Despite how demanding it is,  in my own life, project 365 has been a great decision for several reasons including:

1) Project 365 has helped me be consistent in working to accomplish and complete a goal.  (did I mention I’m not very good at that yet?)

2) I am discovering my own artistic style

3) Tolerance is also something I’m acquiring quite a bit of as well.  Most of the time, probably around 90 percent of the time, I don’t like my photos. At all. In fact, it feels like I’m simply filling up space with digital files that are just crap. However, as I’ve come to find, a lot of other photographers struggle with this as well.  And chances are, even if you don’t like what you’ve shot for the day, there’s usually someone who will.

4) Getting feedback on my work.  I’ve been uploading my stuff to flickr each day, and that has been an amazing outlet to receive unbiased input from others, as well as to gleen inspiration for my own work.

5) I now have motivation for learning mad photoshop skills. Personally, I believe that a photo should be at least 90% of the original photo, and 10% or less of photoshop. If used correctly and not over-done, photoshop can give shots that little nudge that enable them to go from ordinary to excellent.

6) The opportunity to document a year of my life… and what better way than to do it through photos? You know what they say, a picture says a thousand words.

There are probably more discoveries I will make along the journey but for now, these little reasons are enough to keep me going.  To all the other 365′ers out there, happy shooting.  May your year be everything you expected it to be and more.

I’ve been thinking about that little question a lot lately, which is kind of ironic, since I am currently in a relationship but don’t expect to be married for at least another couple years.

The more I ponder that thought, the more logical it seems.  Why would someone consider a relationship if marriage didn’t follow at some point aftwards? It’s like shopping when you aren’t even going to purchase anything in the first place.

I know there are many couples that do not believe or care about saving sex for marriage, so for them, a long term relationship without the promise of matrimony is doable because you aren’t “waiting” for anything.  They already have it all.

But what about the rest of us that desire wholesome, successful relationships without sex until saying I do? Where does that leave us?

Personally, I do not believe it is wrong to date until a person reaches a “marriageable” age (Although I do hold the opinion it isn’t a smart idea to date someone unless you could envision eventually spending the rest of your life with him or her, after you get to know them of course) Relationships are a fulfilling and exciting part of life, but also hold a great deal of work and difficulty. And for the individuals who find ourselves dating but yet not ready for marriage for whatever reason, I would venture to say that our relationships are even more challenging.

So, in all, no… I don’t think that people who do not plan on getting hitched but have relationships despite that are doing wrong or making poor choices.  However, it isn’t an easy road.  So if you aren’t’ already on that path, why go down it in the first place?As Robert Frost said, “ I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”