La Mia Vita Bella

my beautiful life…

Here We Go…

Sunglasses? Check.

Camera? Check.

iPod? Check.

Too many clothes? Check.

Keys? Check.

Most of my homework done? Check.

Great times anticipated? Check.

Weekend, bring it on! Talkeetna, Friday -Sunday. I am so ready for this. :)

Favorite Random Things About Summer…

1. Staying up way too late and not caring
2. Iced tea
3. Sprinklers
4. Trampolines
5. Hanging out with friends
6. Sunsets
7. Flip flops
8. Watermelon
9. Sun-dresses
10. Reading books on the deck
11. Swimming
12. Green grass
13. Frappaccinos
14. Road trips
15. Painted toenails
16. Wildflowers
17. Hiking at 2 a.m.
18. Swinging on swings!
19. Playing guitar outside
20. Sitting on rooftops
21. Ginger brew
22. Painting
23. Being tan (although if you stick me next to my brother, I suddenly look like halibut)
24. Bonfires
25. Camping
26. Kite Flying
27. Weddings
28. Jetskiis
29. Salads. No, don’t laugh at me.
30. Playing in the park with my puppy

Ahhh…I love summer. =)

A Bunch of Random Thoughts and Statements Which Really Don’t Matter. But Oh Well.

It is sooo hot out. (think around, oh 80 degrees-completely unbearable for Alaskans) And I am way too brain dead to even try and think of a topic to write about, you you’ll just have to ‘xcuse that and be satisfied with my rambling. Ha. So….um…. among other non-important things…

I have recently acquired a love hate relationship with my brother’s new electric guitar. It’s cool because I mean, hey, it’s an electric guitar, and EVERYONE knows, anything which has the words electric and guitar in its name has to be awesome, correct? Simultaneously however, my brother’s guitar is also quite loud, which means it carries the potential to continually interrupt my concentration during study sessions. Which is really, really, really annoying.

This week, I think I might have figured out a plan for college. I’m still gonna run it by my counselor and see what they think, but so far, I like the idea. A lot. I’d stay in state, major in a low residency MFA creative writing program, and graduate with a master’s degree in 3 years. Oh, and my training/ courses/ work aren’t on campus, it’s distance education, more or less. Therefore, I’m not stuck in a classroom for endless hours several times a week. Sweet? Yes, I think so. It definitely fits me. This just might work.

In two weeks I get to hang out at my church for the whole day, serving coffee between services. I am totally excited! And yes, only I could be so thrilled about something as dorky as this. Oh well.

I am convinced homework is out to get me. I have simply far too much, and hardly enough time…. which means I might not get to go up to Talkeetna this weekend. I am so, so, so, so disappointed for so, so so many reasons. But really, I have no one to blame for this but myself. I’m suppose to know the official verdict by tomorrow night, which feels like a million years away. Grr.

If the weather forecast is right and Alaska has 10 more days of heat, I really am going to be losing a lot more sleep than I planned. Yuck. I like warm weather, but when it’s like, 70 degrees at 1:15 in the morning…. that’s just too much for this Siberian. You might as well just ship me back to Russia. At least I have iced tea and popsicles, though.

To conclude this ever so pointless post, I shall close with a quirky fact…. (I found this on the bottle cap of my iced tea, fyi) Did you know, that your breathing rate increases when you start to type? Weird….

I’m now off to bed…. to sleep. Or maybe just toss and turn a lot, and wish I were somewhere a LOT colder. Current temperature? 72. I wish this was a joke.

A Case of the Mondays…A Poem.

*This is dedicated to whoever has experienced a case of the Mondays.

Monday morning once again
dawns bright, sunny, and clear
but I have water
from the shower still in my ear
I hope it will go away
honestly I don’t need a case
of the Mondays

Oops, I lost my science book
and I need to study
my mom won’t help me find it
which is kind of sorta cruddy
why won’t these feelings go away?
I think I’m catching
a case of the Mondays

I stare into my huge fridge
cuz I really want some food
but soup, spaghetti or pizza
don’t seem to fit my mood
and no, I’m not okay
because I have a case of the Mondays

my bro got a new guitar
I hear it all the way downstairs
thanks to his awesome amp
but really, do you think I care?
I’m too busy drowning in dismay
yeah, I definitely have a case
of the Mondays

I’m years behind in homework
will I ever finish school?
Mom wonders if I will
I don’t think that’d be cool
I’m quite annoyed that I don’t get to play
stuck inside with piles homework
oh, and a case of the Mondays

I think I have a migraine
almost 11, I’m beat
stressed out to the max
I need something sugary and sweet
I have a snack, and start to pray
God, please save me
from this stupid case of the Mondays

So, after a very long while
I log off the Mac and say ‘Night
to my parents and doggies, head for my room
turn out the lights
my day was terrible but I will say
I was victorious because
I survived my case of the Mondays!

Top Ten Reasons Why I Really, Really Want to Go to Talkeetna This Week…

1.  To visit my aunt and uncle… they’re cool.

2. Photo opportunities- hello, Denali is like, RIGHT there!

3. Moose Dropping Festival and all that it entails

4. I need another AK girls t shirt… since my other one is all worn out. :P

5. This is probably my last opportunity to go up to Talkeetna anyways.

6. To visit the chocolate store. And get some Russian chocolate.

7. I need to be able to say I did SOMETHING besides school this summer. Even though school is important. :P

8. I also need some quiet time to think about some stuff and get away for a bit. Introvert, yes I am.

9. It’s not like I’d be missing anything important in Anchorage anyways.

10. I always appreciate home more after I’ve left for a while.

So, I have my reasons and a plan. What’s next? Tackling whatever lies in my way…. namely, homework. I hope this works.

More Proof that My Family is Weirder than Weird…. but You Know I Love ‘Em Anyways…

Grandma (to my uncle):  Duane!  Stop hogging all the paper and give me some!  We didn’t bring it on this picnic just for you to read!

Duane:  (cheerfully):  Oh, sure Mom.  Here, I’ll give you the best part of the WHOLE paper:  A feature story on twin 82 year old sisters that were found dead from refusing to use their air conditioner indoors!

……

Uh…. that’s the best part?  If that’s the case, I’d say time to find another newspaper to read….maybe?

12:17 Ramblings

For once, I know why I’m here, going in this direction, at this particular time.  No one forced this upon me, no one told me I had to do anything.  And yet, I did.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I did.

It’s not because this particular relationship wasn’t working out.  In fact, maybe, it was working out a little too well, a bit too quick.  So, a decided I needed some boundaries, something to hold me back a little.

I was feeling like I was on the edge of something exhilarating and terrifying and possibly life changing.  But it freaked me out at the same time, because what if it LOOKS awesome from the view I have right now, and it’s not up close?  What if I fell too far, too fast, and nobody saved me, like I had imagined in my perfect fairy tale daydreams? What if this isn’t the right time?  Is it?  What if it’s all in my head, and I’m being delusional and this is TOTALLY one sided, and no one really cares?

And now, things in the relationship are going to be different. A little, maybe a lot.  Because of my decision.  I am not complaining at all. Yes, this adaptation is not going to be the same as what I had known before.  Yes, I will adjust. It’s not that big of a deal…. but why does it feel like it?  Maybe it won’t be “fun”.  I don’t know how long I’m going to have to wait either.

This change feels kind of weird, and foreign.  But, in spite of both of those emotions, one thing is for certain.  I feel much safer and more in control of myself and my emotions.  Like, I’m suddenly not 2 inches away from the edge and not quite sure if I’m ready for this.  I’ve stepped back a foot or two, and maybe, someday down the road, that ledge will still be there , and then, I’d be able to safely and confidently  jump off into something really really amazing.  But, that might not happen.  I might have stepped back for good and might not ever get to fulfill that dream… idea…. whatever it is. Ugh.  It’s really hard to say right now, far too early.  I don’t know anything.  And I hate assuming.

But, I do know this.  Waiting will not kill me, or anyone else.  Seasons don’t last forever. And I don’t think I could ever be too careful with this.  There’s more than me to think about here.

3 Summer Haikus…

watching the sun fade

conversation settles me

you make me smile again

__________________________________

seven more bug bites

now grace my shoulders and back

bug repellant fails

____________________________________

only slept 5 hours

too much to think about now

summer’s slipping by

Tonight’s Just One of Those Nights….

….Where I’m way tired. And I’ve run around in circles all day only to tie myself up in knots, to where I’m going to have to untangle myself before I can do anything else.

…. that I’m  wanting to ramble, about everything and nothing.  I’m feeling challenged, and of course, I’m hitting hard right back.  Feisty?  You betcha.

… when I want to do a roadtrip.  Anywhere.  I don’t care.  Let’s just go.

… that I really, really miss having a best friend.  It kind of stinks not having someone like that in my life right now, it really does.

… to where I feel completely overwhelmed by all that’s happening to me.  But it’s exhilarating at the same time.

…that I’m thinking.  Hard.  About all kinds of stuff.

… and I’m wondering if I’ve gotten myself into something that’s going to lead to heartbreak.  I don’t want to see anyone else leave.  And I have a feeling I’m already a lot more attached than I actually realize.

… that I’m listening to the same song over and over and over.  Just cuz I like it.

… to where I know, I’ve gone way too far to ever think about going back.  It always gets worse before it gets better.  And I have so much further to travel before I’m finished.   I might as well keep going.

In Case You’re Wondering…

What I did today? Check out….

strelnikovstudios.blogspot.com.

P.S.  Comments/ feedback= always welcome! ;)

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