A Really, Really, Long BUT Significant Post

Alright. So, I do realize I have been doing a very crummy job of keeping up on this blog and saying anything relevant or interesting. Well, I have finally found something somewhat significant to write about, so for at least for today, we can all just pretend this is the most amazing blog out there. (yeah, right) Anyways…

I finished reading two books recently.  Wild at Heart, and Captivating. Both are absolutely amazing books on the subject of men and women, and God’s plans/ purpose for each, and the battles that go on to live to their full God-given potential.  (in a nutshell)

Captivating, the book written for women, had some really amazing passages in it, some that have really changed the way I think about my role, value, placing, design, everything in me that makes me what I am:  a woman.

At one point in the book, the author, Staci Eldredge, spoke about a point in her spiritual journey where she began asking God to really show her HOW much he loved her, to show up and be more than just the “Jesus loves me” type-God that she had heard of growing up.  She wanted to be romanced, chased  pursued, affirmed and  completely delighted in by her Maker.

After reading about her experience and the outcome, I decided, “Hey, that’s a really cool concept.  I think should try it.”

My logic behind my decision was pretty simple. Throughout my whole life, I have always known that Jesus loves me.  He loves me a lot, more than anyone else could. But, I never asked him to demonstrate exactly how endless his heart was for me, or to be shown how deep his passion for me is.  I had never requested to be  personally romanced by the God who painted the gorgeous sunsets across the inlet or knew every detail of my heart even better than myself.  But, last Thursday, I did for the very first time. And God, being God, showed up BIG TIME and completely blew me away.

The first “demonstration” happened on Friday.  It had been kind of a long, aggravating day for me.  I had  majorly bombed two final exams that week, and was dreading my weekend crammed full of extra homework.  Feeling pretty miserable about my lack of accomplishments and talent for epic failures, I hopped on Facebook for a few minutes, hoping that I could forget/ avoid the nagging thoughts about how much I was screwing up.

Shortly after logging on, I noticed that Ky, an acquaintance I had friend requested, had accepted.  Ten minutes later, I noticed multiple comments on my photography album from Ky.  She was really impressed by my work for whatever reason, and enthusiastically remarked on several photos.  This really encouraged me, since 1) words are my love language, and 2) I hadn’t had anyone tell me anything (negative or positive) about my photography recently, so that made it equally cool.  Smiling now, I was just about to log off of FB to get some Journalism done when KY instant messaged me just to tell me again,  ”OMG your pics are amazing!!!”  She went on for several minutes, and eventually she had to sign off, but I was thrilled.   It wasn’t a random chance thing, it was a God thing.

My second God experience came this past Sunday. I had been at work for 8 hours, at my boss’ house caring for her special needs daughter. It was snowing heavily, and I knew by the time I got off work my car was going to be buried in several inches of white fluffy stuff, which meant it would take a while to clean/ scrape off.  This thought didn’t make me too happy, since I had to be at a class across town 30 minutes after my shift ended, and I wasn’t really digging the whole idea of spending extra time doing boring things like scraping off my windshield.

Since Sunday was the Super-Bowl, my boss had some friends over to watch the game while I cared for her daughter.  I briefly met some of the guests when I wandered into the kitchen to prepare lunch for my boss’ daughter, but spent most of my day in the back bedroom watching Pooh Bear and other old Disney films.

By 6:00, my shift had ended and I shrugged into my coat and slipped on my Keene’s, eager to run off and play. The snow was still falling, and I thought to myself as I walked down the hallway, “I sure hope there’s a scraper-thing-a-ma-jig in the car, because otherwise I am going to be STUCK.”  I quietly zipped up my coat, bid my boss and her lingering guests goodbye, and opened the door into the freezing, dark cold night….grumpily anticipating all the shoveling/ sweeping ahead.  I walked a few steps from the door and then halted to a dead stop.  I could NOT believe what I saw in front of my face.

There, in the driveway, stood one of my boss’ guests from the party, and she was scraping/ wiping snow and frost off a car.  MY CAR. To be exact.  Her car had yet to be completely scraped off yet, but there she was, quietly uncovering my car from its grave of snow.

I kind of awkwardly walked up, and managed to say, “Oh…wow…. um… thank you!!”   I would have said more, but I was pretty choked up and stunned that someone would even THINK to do this.  Didn’t she have someplace else to be?  Something more exciting to do?

I don’t even know why she decided to help.   But she did.  And through this mysterious woman, the God of the ENTIRE universe dramatically proved to me once again not only the extent of his love for me, and how he has memorized every last piece of my heart.  If that doesn’t make a person feel loved, I don’t know what does.

So, it may not be alot.  But it’s a step towards seeing the heart of my Father more clearly than I ever have before.

Things I Would Really Like at the Moment: A List

1. An improved grade in my Russian and Journalism class

2. More clif bars. I only have one more left. **snif**

3. Motivation to refine my mile time, which now stands at 9 minutes, 51 seconds. Yeah! 9 seconds of improvement from Tuesday.

4. Keene’s or chacos for when I go to Mexico.

5. Some direction on what I’m suppose to do after graduation.  Because I don’t know at the moment.

6. For facebook to STOP changing stuff. I already have too much other stuff  in my life changing. Why does the one social networking site I actually enjoy using have to change too????

7. A fixed D200.

8. For another song to get stuck in my head besides “The Heffalumps and Woozles” song from Winnie the Pooh. **ahem**

9. For it to be 7 already so I can be having coffee with my friend  instead of sitting here avoiding Russian homework.

10. Better blog topics than lame lists like this one.

Haikus for Tuesday

concentration fierce

red numbers counting seconds

mile time cut 1 minute

************

behind on homework

but facebook appeals much more

I’ll catch up later

************

I can’t wait for spring

Mexico, sun, and cruising

can I bring chacos?

Productive and Accident Prone

Thursday, so far has turned out to be the most productive I’ve been all week. Also the most accident prone, too, though.  But oh, well. I’m enjoying checking everything off my to do-list.

I stayed up later than I had intended last night.  However, losing a few minutes of zzz’s really paid off, because I am now a certified food worker approved by the Municipality of Anchorage.  This means I am educated in the topics of cross-contamination, dishwashing, food temperatures, etc, and am qualified to prepare food for the public, which is what I’ll be doing very soon at my new job, hopefully.

Today was my first day back at the gym. I ran 4 1/2 miles in roughly an hour, so, not too shabby.  My time for my mile, though, is appalling. It’s so shameful I’m not even going to say what it is.  I know I should be giving myself some slack since I haven’t run in what, 2 weeks, but still, my inner perfectionist cannot be smooshed.  So, for now, the plan is to just keep running and hopefully the numbers will keep getting smaller.

I also picked up my brother from his PE class at South at lunchtime today.  My mother had decided to tag along and critique my driving.  On the way over I somehow seemed to hit every pothole and not stop fast enough, nearly sent my mom through the roof. I personally thought I did okay, considering I haven’t driven in over a month.  Yes, I realize this is sad.  And yes, I realize that is going to have to change.

And now, it is almost one o’clock… I have 3 hours until Psychology. But before that I have requested complete kitchen dominance to catch up some very long overdue baking projects that were due in December.  **cough**  But, my creations will be done by tonight.  And I will have some very happy friends, right along with a conquered to do-list. I’m not sure which I’m more excited about.

Things I am Thankful For At the Moment…

1.  All of my finals are over.  Except for Journalism, but compared to the rest, it should be a cinch.

2.  I am DONE with Mrs. Mesuers’ Grammar Review class forever and ever and ever!  Booyah!!!!!

3.  Tomorrow, when I get to make my (hopeful) triumphant entry back into Planet Fitness to catch up on my training routine.  Yay! I am so excited.

4.  A possible new part time job doing something I’m actually really really thrilled about.

5. 2 more days until the weekend!

All Over the Place End of Weekend Update

The weekend is over. Well, the good part anyways.  What’s left is always ruined, or so it seems, by the thoughts of preparing for the upcoming week.  **sigh** My energy is gone.  I’m too tired to do anything productive.  Or interesting.  I feel “blah”, but at least I can still think, right?

I am somewhat looking forward to this upcoming week.  I’ll be able to hit the gym  and start running seriously again.  Also, my Russian teacher isn’t assigning us any homework!  I’m shocked, but I’ll take the extra free time since I’ve got a Grammar Review Final coming up. Oh! Aaaand, I don’t have to work next Sunday! Instead, I’m working on Saturday night… so I’ll have ALL of next Sunday free! Oh yay! Oh yay!

Speaking of work, my boss is really annoying me right now.  Every time I’m on the job, she mentions the fact that I don’t have a car, like it is a HUGE inconvenience.  Well, it’s WAY more of an inconvenience for ME than her, since I’m the one coming to HER, but every time the topic comes up she acts like SHE’S the one being put out.  Today, when she brought up the subject she said, “So…. you ARE saving up everything towards a car, and you’re going to get one as soon as possible, right?”  Honestly, right then, I felt like decking her and then quitting my job right then and there.  I realize I am a horrible person because of this, but stuff like that just somehow gets under my skin and drives me up the wall. I don’t NEED someone “telling” what to do.  At least I know what I’m going to put every penny towards now. As if I had other things, like COLLEGE, to think about investing in.

Another annoying thing that has come up recently is my lack of texting ability on my phone. In the past month, I have had at least 8 people try to text me, and then couldn’t obviously, cuz I don’t have texting.  And now, I feel like I need to have it, because everyone (including my boss) is mad at me because I can’t communicate with them… this is seriously, way, way, way, too much for my inner golden retriever to handle.

I feel like crawling under a rock right now.  Everything has just building up too much for me these past couple days.  I don’t know if Monday can come quickly enough.

Tongue Tied…

It’s 10:11 a.m. I have been sitting here for about 20 minutes trying to blog about the amazing dance I went to last night.  And I am coming up with nothing… because I can’t even fit the whole thing into words.  Or, the words I want, anyways.  I guess that’s a good thing, though, right?  Because to put it shortly, the dance last night was fantabulous.  There is too much to tell, too much I enjoyed…. yes, it was good.

Well, okay, even if I am doing a crummy job of attempting to write this morning, I at least have 3 1/2 hours of really good memories to keep me smiling for the rest of the weekend… and then some.

And Now, a Random, Rambling, Pointless Post to Top off the Week…

I shouldn’t be writing.  Time is already slipping through my fingers too fast… 8:35  a.m. seems so much later than usual.  I stayed up too late last night, being paranoid about possible dry sockets and wondering if my mother’s advice on matters was really needed. Haha.

Among other things, I’m finally back to eating solid foods again. Yippee! Not a bad recovery rate, either, since today marks the one week anniversary of saying farewell to my wisdom teeth.  I don’t miss them one bit.

Tonight is going to be so much fun! I’m going to a dance.  My first dance of 2010, come to think of it.   And did I mention, I have an escort? YES! I do!!!!! And. No. It’s not the same as having a date.  Escorts are much different from dates, for several reasons, including:

1) Escorts are held to a higher standard than dates

2) Escort’s responsibilities are much different than that of a date

3) Escorts are generally better looking than dates (okay, so I’m being biased here. SHUT UP, okay? I don’t care)

4) Escorts are usually better dancers than dates (again, biased, but can you blame me?)

**Ahem** So, yeah. Needless to say I’m excited for tonight and all that entails… ;)

My scrambled eggs are now cold and rubbery.  I am full, and still have a journalism assignment that needs wrapping up.  **sigh** Well, that’s enough rambling for now.  I’ll post more later.

5 Things I’m Excited About…

1. I can finally brush 98% percent of the teeth in my mouth.  Oh, my toothbrush has never provided so much happiness before.

2.  I have new shoes! Cute, outrageously tall, with a satiny bow, everything a girl could want, right?  Plus they make my legs look great. **ahem, cough**  And I gain a whole 4 inches in height when I’m wearing them too, so I’m 5′5”! Anyhoo. Yeah, I’m excited.  :)

3.  It’s almost the weekend!!! And I still have homework? Um, yes. Oh well.

4.  DANCING! TOMORROW! Oh my word!! I can’t wait!!!

5.  I finally figured out how to turn off my alarm, after having it since, like, Christmas. Um… better late than never, though, right?

500 Days of Summer? More Like, 500 Days of Messes and Mistakes…

I watched 500 Days of Summer last night, and am quite confused by it, as in, I can’t decide if I liked it or not.

Some things I really, really liked about it.  It was quirky, fast-paced, refreshing, humorous and not the “typical” boy-meets-girl story… as well highly realistic.  Which, ironically, was something I didn’t appreciate as much as I thought I would have.

I felt really sorry for Tom, the way Summer was so casual about their ‘relationship’ … the whole, “I don’t want any strings attached”, and “I don’t want a boyfriend” type of thing.  I do appreciate the fact that she was honest about it right  up front, but still.  It’s kind of sickening.

That’s the way a lot of people are these days.  They want a relationship, but not at the expense they have to “pay” for it to speak, with commitments or having to be “tied down”.  They want to be able to have a good time, go as far as they want, and then leave when it simply gets boring, inconvenient, whatever.  From an objective, secular viewpoint, the concept seems like a good idea, less stressful, even, liberating.  Only, it’s not.  That’s what Tom had to find out the hard way.  It’s simply impossible to be in a physical, non committed  relationship with someone and have absolutely NO consequences, be it spiritual, emotional, physical.

Personally, as a die hard romantic myself, I don’t even see the point of it. And it’s not even because I’m a ‘Christian’ or have morals.  I mean, really…  what is SO romantic about standing completely stark naked in front of someone, giving your ENTIRE self to them, and THEY haven’t even committed to anything with you, except, of course, to have sex with you.  Stupidity, I tell you.

Well, in the movie, Tom realizes this, among many other things, over the 500 days with Summer.  He falls apart emotionally, especially after he discovers Summer has moved on and gotten married to some other guy.  At the end of the movie, though, Summer runs into Tom, and the two ‘make amends’, so to speak, and everything is drawn to a nice close.

Another thing that kind of bugged me about the movie is when Summer and Tom are talking right at the end, and she makes the remark, “One day I woke up and I just knew… what I never did when I was with you… I knew I could promise him (her husband) I’d feel the same way every morning, in a way that I never could with you…”

Summer woke up and just KNEW that the guy was right for her?  Really? Is that how you know you’ve found “the one”? You just wake up and BOOM! Tada!  I’m really one to talk here, considering I’ve never ever been in a relationship  nor have fallen in love before, but I’m disagreeing with this.  I think it’s over a longer period of time that you discover  who’s right for you.  I see it almost like putting together a puzzle. You start out with the random, billion pieces in the beginning, and have no idea where to fit them in.  Eventually, they all find their place… and then you see it.  You know.  It’s not all at once in one single, divine, inspiring second.  It’s bit by bit, piece by piece, moment by moment.  And in the end, you’ve got a complete picture of your life, and who you want in it, and who belongs there, who doesn’t.  But… that’s just me.  Like I said, I don’t really know anything about this.

So, in all, I’m kind of torn as to what I think of 500 Days of Summer.  It was definitely thought provoking and moving, but it’s disappointing to know that I can’t say in this case, “Well, it’s only a movie… this sort of thing never happens in real life.”